There are two types of people: Those who are willing to be helped and those who are not. Caregivers – read both of these
(How To Become A Better Caregiver and A Caregiver’s Packet from the CMfM) as soon as possible. Everyone else – you’re on your own.

Nobody knows the future; we come from different backgrounds. I’m going to find a better way for supporting Caregivers. Help me please: . Did you get this message? It would be beneficial to receive your feedback and comments but we can’t make the decisions for you. It is easy to serve those who recognize their need for assistance. It is difficult to help where offers are neither invited nor accepted.

Entitlement: If you think you’re entitled to a life free from touches by the cancers (something evil or malignant) in this world, just get over it. Unfortunately for most, that site is only a dream destination. I’m not an idiot. This makes sense to me based on the  interpretations of life from my vantage. These impressions of how “people” perceive men may not be not far off. But this is not “My Story” – i.e. not about one person. You don’t wish to read tales excerpted from a perfect life. We all get that.

Recognize and agree that we could do better so that support can grow. Are we too noncommittal here? When people are oblivious to being in the path of a tornado or are about to encounter a massive earthquake (something that will turn worlds upside down) does it matter? It rarely even gets their attention before the event. And it is not disease-specific shock, although we have those “elite diseases” where it’s good PR to shuck out bucks for research and try to find cures. Maybe we are disabled from having too much on our plates. I don’t know.

Hey Man, I tried to help. Amazingly enough, everyone wishes they could. You’ve got to start somewhere. Do you know what you want? Do you know what you need? Do you know how you are going to get where you should go? How are you feeling about that? How well are you disposed towards receiving this part of life as a gift?

Probably no Agency or Organization out there gives the assistance you’re looking for. But congratulations on it when you do find them!

You are asked “Help me please” so go to the Why ITN? page and begin there.

Caregiver “KISS”. How can we help?




Read this anyway:

How to Become a Better Caregiver

By Dan Zeorlin

Being a caregiver can be overwhelming at times. And becoming a better caregiver involves some discipline and hard work. The hardest part about being the caregiver of a person living with cancer is dealing with feelings of helplessness. That’s why it is important to develop an ability to make a difference in ways that are meaningful to your loved one.

My wife Linda’s breast cancer developed unexpectedly. Some of our roles reversed. I became more supportive and loving. I learned to trust and was inspired by Linda’s faith. I lived with a heightened sense of endearment and tenderness. We achieved greater harmony as a couple and were blessed with forgiveness, growth, and peace.

We shared the experience of various stages of cancer–discovery, treatment, and recuperation–and did not become fixated on the cure. The clinicians did their part in monitoring progress; as a caregiver, I learned how to do my part by bringing the following positives into focus.

Advocate for Change A caregiver should become an advocate for change. Resolve to make a plan and stick to it. Caregivers cannot be passive observers and must act when change is required.

Change Your Perception Caregivers are affected by many experiences, real and perceived. My wife’s cancer was real. The idea that cancer was bad or an unrecoverable event was perceived. The feeling that I was alone and without support, deprived of recourse was also perceived. So I spent energy convincing myself that our situation was not hopeless. Caregivers need to shrug off the impossible and concentrate on those things that are still viable.

Focus on Priorities A caregiver has little tolerance for foolishness. Priorities shift and some things no longer seem important as they once were. Learn to let go and do things out of love. You hope your actions will be so inspiring that the disease loses its grip on the life you cherish.

Accept That You Won’t Know Everything Nobody wants to be unprepared, disoriented, or clueless in a serious dilemma. Our problem is that we are preconditioned to be a worldly people. Acknowledge that you will not always know the right answer.

Encourage Hopefulness One of the first things I learned about cancer was that no two cancers are identical. Throw out the stereotypes. Just as no two people are the same, no two courses of cancer treatment have exactly the same results.

Improve Communication The caregiver has to find words to describe feelings and improve communication. Have the courage to say, “This happened and it makes me feel…” Until we recognize, acknowledge, and accept our circumstances, we do not move on or improve the situation.

At times you may feel like an escapee. You may be ashamed. You may feel unworthy. You may not be selfish but you definitely won’t feel selfless. You will never want to repeat this ordeal. As a caregiver you are called on to love someone more than life itself. Caregivers must find a way to say, “Life will get better.”

Reprinted by permission of COPING® magazine *********

Author Contact Information: Dan Zeorlin *********

(Please access Menu at top, choose  another page, hang in  there, and keep trying!)

Still pretty-tied-up with giving care to one or two special people? Sure  would be great to have a program like an ITN Men’s Caregiver Support Group that could help with the transition:

ITN (In Their Names) seeks to help men build their communication skills to become better caregivers. This is done by learning to share their stories with others, developing abilities to cope, making flexible and realistic plans, and gaining confidence as a caregiver. ITN was created as a step-by-step guide for men to develop a caregiver support group within their own communities.

If this is bound to happen sooner or later, will it be on its own? Good luck with waiting for that to happen.

Ask yourself, “What do we really need?” Read and reflect. Please conssider this site’s content and apply critical review to make it more user-friendly for (supportive of) caregivers. Vague, I know, but it is very much needed. Open this: What Next?

Move ahead. Bend my ear. Be honest. Get your friends involved and make feedback. Speak the truth: How can we help? Empower others to become better caregivers. Talk to me. Tell me about it.


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