What next?

Coping with Change does not have a Guaranteed Outcome; it is not a sure thing, a winning bet–it is a gamble. What next?

In order to validate past experience, Zeorlin wrote a “Caregiver’s Manual for Men (CMfM) “and posted it on http://caregivermanual.blog.com/caregivers-manual-for-men/ in 2010 followed in 2011 by creation of the “ITN (In Their Names) Men’s Caregiver Support Group program” and publication of MLBerg’s ITN blog (https://mlbergitn.wordpress.com/). In these sites, he empathizes with the plights of family caregivers, i.e. not for Health Care Professionals. He speculated that centralized non-disease-specific support mechanisms were needed. Others can use his insights to help map the first reasonably accurate description of how caregiving places unrealistically high demands on individuals.

(Technical Difficulties: horror/comedy/tragedy/recovery. This site is free and it takes time to clear up issues. When the link http://caregivermanual.blog.com/caregivers-manual-for-men/ is down try backup site http://mlbergs4.blogspot.com/p/cmfm-how-to-love-cancer.html. If you’re an “active caregiver”, Good Luck. If you’re a “past active” caregiver and would like to volunteer organizational support, please contact href=”mailto:mlberg.caregiver.blog@gmail.com?subject=Organizational Support”>*****mlberg.caregiver.blog@gmail.com**** so we can build a better community.

Challenge: The Quest for Relevance, Happy Thoughts, and the Search for Volunteer Collaboration

How does a caregiver influence a care-receiver’s recovery? They do this by creating a positive environment where the care-receiver is able to focus on wellness.

How does someone in a circle of friends encourage a caregiver? They do this by supporting the image that what the caregiver says and does is relevant.

Happy Thoughts Goal: Locate Happy Thoughts.  Have you ever started a list and then run out of room to write items down because you found all sorts of other things flooding into your mind? Try it and then send some of them to me, please. Personally I am thrilled every time that someone wants me to bake “my cake” because that means somehow I got it right and brought joy and happiness into their lives. People love a cheerful giver. It’s all about giving you know. So people your loved one and you love to help them because it is the right thing to do.

Yes you can say “I’m a mess.” We all can. But you can also say, “We’re doing the best that we can.” and “The mistakes and failures of the past are behind us so now we can look ahead to the future with hope and understanding.”

I hope you find what you are looking for. Some want to find one with exactly the same experience. Not everyone looks for the same thing. You need not stay discouraged when you try your best. If you’ve got a moment and would like to vent, do it here and now: *********.

The Volunteer Collaboration takes place under the MLBerg umbrella so Welcome Aboard!

Men as Caregivers

We don’t want exerts to tell us the probabilities that our care-receiver needs help. We need strong examples of how Caregiving makes a difference. The world values reactive (firemen) measures over proactive (fire-prevention) ones.  How can we value evidence based proof if we want greater sharing of humanity?

If I found out anything from my student teaching experience it was that students don’t wish to learn in specific ways under certain conditions. For example, males view some expert opinions with skepticism and doubt. Assumed credibility might first need to be proven in order to become believable.

Hope: The Great Equalizer for Linear Thinkers

There’s no reason why one person should have more hope than another. But have faith! Hope really is good for the soul.


There are obvious flaws in most systems. MLBerg’s ITN caregiver blog is no exception. But do not let this be a deterrent. Try to see this as an opportunity to build a structure of support. Support mechanisms fit the category “One size does NOT fit all”.

So now direct your attention to the Category listing in the side bar. What are the chances that “saying just the right thing” for one person will be exactly the words another person wants to express or the concept that a third person needs to hear? We all make mistakes while trying to help others.

But try your best.


Some things should not happen in a perfect world.

In a perfect world, “the best you can do” is never enough.

• Why are you here?
• What did you hope to find?
• What do you need most?

Is this Advocacy? Do you wish that you could consult an authority on giving care?

Other individuals, health care professionals, and organizations may write about caregiver obligations. Chances are they can empathize with situations other than their own disease-specific circumstances. But the chances are not as good that coming from the “Perfect World” someone will write honestly and authentically about a caregiver’s lack of support. This is reflected through lived experiences.

If a discussion does not begin on how we can become better caregivers then generations of past mistakes will have been endured for naught and most men will remain relegated to take the role of uninvolved bystander.


Face it: we’re all busy. A caregiver feels the added responsibility (burdening) for providing additional care to the care-receiver. Learn to say to the caregiver “What can I do to help you?”

Sometimes not being ‘part of the problem’ is the part missing from being ‘part the solution’.

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